Not Afraid
by JustBeCool
Summary: Veronica might seem perfect, but if you look closer, you'll see a girl who's dying inside... and outside. Can Paviche Largo help her somehow, if he can't help himself? And who's mysterious Louisa? Takes place before opera, no real shipping, just friendly OcxPavi... Review please... PLEASE... *.*
1. Lone Face

**I'm not afraid**

By JustBeCool

Chapter 1

Lone Face

Paviche Largo

Everyone calls me pretty, handsome, even sexy… Have I ever wanted to be like this? I don't think so… Living with my family never is easy… Especially after father's death. We have never been perfect family, but everything is even worse now… Luigi started killing people again. I know it's normal for him, but now he murders about ten people every day. I guess that's a lot… I'm so bored now… I keep walking and walking around towns' streets, because I'll have trouble when I'll go home. I broke one of Luigi's favorite knives, so he might kill me later… Believe I know him well enough. I'm tired of all madness that's going on. Everything changed since Carmella got the company. She isn't that drug addicted slut any more… No, now she is very venerable business woman and she's married now and has baby on the way… She doesn't have so many surgeries too… Just couple every month… The only one who still has not changed is me, The Pavi.

It's getting cold here, so I guess, I'll have to go somewhere. I've just entered one of many bars... I think I'll never forget that smell of sweat, piss, alcohol and dust… These things made great cocktail of smells that you won't be able to found anywhere else… I think it's the smell of freedom, happiness. The smell of things that I've never had and will never have…

There are lots of people in the bar. I can see young people from 20 to 30 years old, all of them are having a good time, I think they have no problems at all; they live in their own little perfect world… I want to be one of them, at last just for a minute… A woman, about 30 years old is climbing on scene.

"Hello and welcome to our annual festival 'Music is World'. As you probably know, I'm Julie and I will host this festival"

"We all know that, just give us some normal music, or me and my boys will crash this party." I heard the voice from corner. As I found out later, the owner of voice was tall, blonde guy who's name is Eric.

"Shut up and sit down, Eric" Julie wasn't happy about Eric's jokes. "So the first participant is… Nora"

Nora had terrible voice, just like most of the people in there, and after her there were thirteen more shows… All of them were just terrible… In fact, I think my sister sings better than that Nora and everyone else in here. I think I'd rather be killed by my brother than stay here and listen of all these so-called singers. I've started to walk to doors, but stopped for a minute when Julie climbed on stage again and announced

"Ok… All of today's shows were good, but we have one even better… Today there is our old friend in this bar. We all know her wonderful voice and who is she… So let me present to you… Veronica"

Everyone in the bar stopped speaking and just looked into scene where something stood amazing and supernatural. The girl looked like fairy or elf for me… She had long black hair, brilliant skin; it looked like chocolate and beautiful green eyes. She was something that I've never seen. Like an angel. She took microphone and said loudly

"Hello, as Julie just said, my name is Veronica, but I suppose you already know it." She smiled and I saw her snow-white teeth. "I'm going to sing you one of my favorite songs that I wrote long time ago. You probably know this song, so please sing with me if you know the lyric." Even her voice was great.

When she started singing, everyone shut their mouths and sang with her. Even those spooky singers like Nora, who had no voice… They sounded very good with Veronica.

'Everything about her is so perfect…'

Finally she finished her song, and everyone stood up and started applauding. Veronica just smiled and I tough that I may be in love. Yes, this is true. Me, Paviche "Pavi" Largo… The younger son of Rotti Largo… In love with that girl… Is it only me, or you think that it's crazy too? I don't know what love is. No one in my family loved me for real, I know it… And that girl… Who is she? After her show I walked to her, but she was talking with that guy, Eric. She cried and as I saw he was making drama…

"…Why?" He asked. "I told you NOT to go here. You had chances to sing all around the world, for you it was better to be in this little town, yes? You think it's better for you to stay here? Vera, you are pretty, you have good voice… Why can't you swim in bigger waters? You can succeed somewhere else, not in this smelly pit…"

"But I want to be HERE! How can you don't understand…? There is not much time for me… Doctors said, only about four months left, so I want to spend my last days here. Please understand me…" Veronica seemed to be very sad…

"Excuse me,_ bella_, could I-a get your autograph?" I asked trying to interrupt their little fight.

"See, Vera? That's what I was talking about whole evening…. This place sucks. Only total losers like this clown,

for example, will go here. You could get more fans and money in real world. I don't mind if come here to visit your relatives or something, but I think it's bad for you to be in all this polluted and toxic air for a long time…" Eric started again… It seems that these words made Veronica even more depressed.

"I'm-a sorry, but why-a did you made that _bella _cry?" I just asked.

"You shouldn't care about me and my girlfriend. Now do favor for everyone in here and go home. Stupid asshole… " Eric was more than angry now…

"I'm not your girlfriend and you know it very well." now Veronica tried to make it up. "Where should I sign?" She asked and I gave her white napkin from table.

"Stop acting like little bitch, Vera. You know how I love you. You're part of my world… Let's go..." He took her hand and pullet it strongly.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there for everyone who loves me and my music. Sorry Eric, I'm going to stay here." My _bella_ had tough personality. "Here you go" she gave me my napkin with autograph and smiled. "I want to spend my final days with my parents and Louisa… Until there's time left… I'm sorry, Eric." She started crying again.

"Why-a did you make the _bella_ cry, again. You're hurting-a her feelings." I don't know why I said so… It made Eric mad.

"Oh, so you think you can teach me how to talk with my girlfriend…" now I understood that crossing Eric is pretty much same thing as crossing Luigi….

"She said-a she's not you're…" I couldn't finish the sentence because Eric hit me in face.

"Hey, boys, we're leaving now. This party is the worst thing I've ever been in... See you later, slut!" Eric shouted and left with about seven or eight guys.

"Are you ok?" my _bella _asked. "I think your nose is broken. Let's go I'll put some ice on it."

We walked away from all those people and interesting smells. I've never felt so happy. That moment was special for me…

Veronica R. Jackson

Everyone calls me pretty, beautiful, even sexy… Have I ever wanted to be like this? I don't think so… I've always been the nice girl… The good girl… Everyone calls me and my life perfect. But it never was perfect… Nobody's perfect. I have made lots of mistakes in my life and now it's just too late to fix it, I'm dying now. I have lungs cancer and doctors can't help me anymore. I lied when I said that I still have four months left… In fact, I only have one… I hate lies, because they make our lives so complicated. Music… It's the only thing that saves me from myself. Music and Louisa are my world. The only things that I still have… When I was younger I always said that it's better to die young, but now, when I will really die young… I don't want it. I'm twenty-seven years old, but like Eric always says, I look younger. Eric… Two years ago when I was still healthy, I was famous singer and Eric was my producer. We loved each other… Or at last I tough that. We were in love. Then we found out that I have cancer and then he started drinking. Not a lot in the beginning, but later… When he got drunk, he started abusing me… After a year we broke up. I didn't want to waste my time when I had so many things to do and almost no time… I've traveled a lot and sang in different countries, and now, I'm back in this place to spend my final days here, with my family. I promised my friend, Julie that I will come here today and sing… But Eric was here too. Eric… I have no idea why, but I still love him, the man who tried destroyed me, but saved from my problems some time ago…

"Let's go to my changing room. I'm sure we could find some ice in my minibar." I said while walking with Pavi Largo.

When I was healthy, I thought that Largos are perfect… But now I can see when someone suffers.

"Thank you-a, _bella, _you are very nice." he answered. "I'm fine, everything-a is good."

He lied. I could see his face expression, who said 'It hurts so much! Help me…' I wish I could help…

I opened the small wooden doors to my changing room. It wasn't real changing room, just small room with some mirrors, wardrobes, minibar and lots of mess. I found the minibar and took some ice.

"I will need to take a look at your nose, but you will have to take off you're... Mask." I said gently.

"No-a, _bella_, the Pavi doesn't want to-a do this, and you really don't want-a to see it. Believe me." he sounded scary- like a kid who found out that he will get surgery, but without anesthetic.

"I'm sure that it won't be the worst thing I've ever seen. Thrust me." I whispered to make him calm down.

"Still, the Pavi won't do-a this." Gosh, he really acts like little kid who's in trouble.

"Don't be afraid… I won't hurt you. Everything will be ok…" slowly I took his mask off. His face was scary, I can't deny it. So scarred, damaged… And beautiful. It's good that I could control my emotions and face expressions, because I was scared. Scared of his real face, the face that was hidden behind that mask. And then I understood one thing- he was just like me. He could be my alter-ego.

"You're pretty." I said softly.

"No I'm not. I'm fucking monster, like-a my father and brother says!" he screamed in face and then started crying. "You're better than me. You're _perfect-a_!" he said without his accent.

I'm sure that he saw how sad I've become after his words. I did, because… just because I needed it.

"_Bella, bella,_ please… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your-a feelings. Forgive me…_ Bella_, are you ok?" he asked. I wasn't ok. I felt terrible. I felt pain in my lungs again and fell unconscious.

The first thing that I saw when I woke up was Paviche.

"Are you ok, _bella_? You scared me…" I saw he was worried about me.

"What… What happened? What's the time? Did I pass out?" I felt tired.

"Yes, _bella_, you passed out and fell-a unconscious. Now it's about 4 o'clock. Tell-a me that you're ok…"

His nose was huge and purple. I think that when I passed out he forgot to put the ice on it. Big puddle on the floor proved that I was right.

"It's 4 o'clock? Oh no… I had to be at home like 6 hours ago… Oh… My head hurts. Thank you… I feel better now. How about your nose? It doesn't look very good. "I got up from the bed, but I was too weak to walk, so I sit on chair. "What happened? Now when I'm better can I take a look at your nose, please…? I think it's too late now for ice, but I still have some." I wanted to help him…

"Here's my-a telephone. You can call home… Everything-a is fine with my nose. It doesn't hurt, like I said before." He lied and I knew that, but I kept in in secret. I always see when somebody is lying. He was the sweetest man I've ever met. We both needed friends and we could be each other's friends. I was sure about that…


	2. Conversation

Chapter 2

Conversation

Veronica R. Jackson

He gave me his telephone. I don't know what kind of telephone it was, but it was black with naked girl on the screen. He blushed a bit when I saw that wallpaper. I could see that because he was not wearing his mask. I really appreciated it. It was impossible for me to look at dead face of some girl when I can die every second too… It was just too much for me.

I just dialed the number of my mother. Yes, twenty-seven years old girl still lives whit her mother, and she likes it. If not my momma I might be already dead. I'm not lying.

"Hello?" I heard sleepy voice. "Who is there?"

"It's me, mom, Veronica. Sorry, I didn't call you earlier. I've fell unconscious in the bar, but now I'm fine. One of my friends helped me" I smiled at Pavi. "How are you?"

"Oh, Veronica… I'm so happy that you called. I worried, you know… Tell your friend thank you from me. It's great that you have such a good friend. We're good, everything is fine here" My mom said.

"Thank you, God… Ok, mum, I have to go… I'm calling from phone that doesn't belong to me. Bye. I'll be home at about 10; we could go for a walk then.

"Ok, good bye." My mom said again and hanged op the phone.

"Thank you for the phone" I smiled at Pavi.

"You're welcome, _bella. _What should we-a do now?" he asked. I had no idea.

"Nothing" I smiled. I was so tired… "We can speak, tell stories…"

"Ok, please tell me a bit about yourself-a and then I'll tell you something about-a myself. It's a game I used to play when I was kid. You can only say things-a that other players don't know." Bad idea. I don't know what I should say about myself… All my life was just too crappy to remember and tell something about it. But I had to say something.

"Um… Ok… I'm the only child in my family." I had to be careful, I shouldn't say too much about myself… Well, at last not now.

"Good… When I was-a kid, I loved unicorns." he tried to be careful too. I was sure that he had some big and scary secrets. Just like me.

"I loved unicorns too when I was younger. I had pink unicorn called Barbie when I was about ten. I'm sure I still have it somewhere in my basement." Yup, I had big, pink unicorn. So what?

"When I was kid, I was in love-a whit my cousin who was twice-a older than me." He smiled.

We played this 'game' for three hours, but no one of us was really honest. We lied a lot. You know, I wanted to tell everything about my dirty past… But I couldn't. Every time when I opened my mouth to tell the truth it was too difficult for me. I wasn't able to do it… I was so weak, just like long time ago. The shadows from my past are still looking for me.

I was the reason why we stopped playing. I just fell asleep.

Paviche Largo

I was so happy… The girl I loved was there, with me. She was my princess. I loved her. I loved many women in my life. You could say that I loved every single GENtern, all the girls that I killed for their faces. For masks. I always loved masks, even when I was kid. Luigi thought that it's stupid, so he hated me since the day I was born. I loved attention, because daddy never cared about me or my brother… I think, he loved Carmela a bit, but just because she was youngest. I and Luigi always fought for daddy's attention. I guess I don't have to say that my brother always won… And me… I had all the GENterns, nannies, maids, butlers… But no parents. My mother died when I was I was 7. I don't remember her, but I guess that's ok… I don't know what is real love… I've never loved anyone for real. When mommy was alive, I remember when she said that it's ok to hate other members of this family, because we have never been real family. I don't know what it means, but I've never loved any Largo, except mom and dad. My father hated me, so I think the only person that I loved is mom, but she died. Now I love Veronica. She's my world… She's everything that I need. We played that stupid game… Why did I say that it's good idea, if it was not? The most things that I've said were lie. I didn't mean to be bad… It's just… It was impossible for me to tell those things about my past. Maybe, one day, later I will tell her the truth… but not now. Later. I still can't do it now. I still have some problems, in fact, a lot of problems. Love is one of them… Why Largo men always kill people that they love? Long time ago daddy loved woman called Marni. He killed her. I don't think that Luigi loved someone, but he killed lots of men and women. He kills them because he wants to prove how strong and great he is… I do it because of faces. A lot of bad things happened to me… Face-stealing is not the worst thing I've ever done…

My princess is sleeping. I think she's even more beautiful when she sleeps. No matter what she says, she is _perfect_, like a picture, or sculpture made by Da Vinci. How can such a lovely girl be in love with monster like me? She said that my face is pretty. I think she lied. Luigi said that only blind woman who is stupid like me would love me… I think he's right. But what if he's not? What if she really thinks that I'm pretty? Could it be true? I don't know. And I don't want to find out.

I touched her cheek. I will never hurt her like I hurt one girl long time ago when I was carefree, stupid… I will never repeat it again to anyone…

She woke up soon, about after 30 minutes. I haven't slept whole night, I tough about my past and everything that happened.

"Good-a morning, _bella,_ have you slept well?" I asked.

"Yes, thank you." her voice sounded like the best music. "Are you hungry? I could get you some food…"

"No-a, thanks." I wasn't sure what to say.

"Hey, that's ok. I'll look for something in the minibar." she got up from the couch and opened minibar's door. She took some fruits and cherry cupcakes.

"Sorry, I don't have anything more. Bon appetite!" she smiled and took an apple.

I was hungry, so I took four cupcakes and some watermelon. Oh God… It was so delicious!

"Ummm… I've always wanted-a to ask you something… Yesterday you said-a that you don't have much time… What does it means? I wanted to ask you about it earlier, but…

"Oh, you're talking about my conversation with Eric last night, near bar? I'm dying. I have lungs cancer. That's why I passed out." I think she said it almost cheerfully. I stopped chewing my fourth cupcake.

"You're… Dying…?" I don't know what more could I say. It's true that everyone that I love have to die soon… Mommy… Father… "What do doctors say-a? Can they-a help you?" I acted like a fool.

"No, it's too late for me. I have one month left, so I decided to spend it in my hometown with my family." I wasn't able to feel the fear in her voice.

"Month? One month?" that was all that I said. Luigi is right. I'm so stupid.

"Yes, one month, but that's alright. It's good to know when your final day is. Really. You don't need to be sorry about me. Everything is fine." she tried to mollify me.

"Oh… Ok…" I didn't know what to say. Someone knocked at the door.

"It's Julie. Let me in, please." said familiar voice.

I was so scared… I wasn't wearing my mask… Veronica saw me in panic and put it on… She did it faster than GENterns…

"The door isn't locked. Come in." my _bella_ said when finished with me.

Julie entered the room. She wore black skirt and white T-shirt with printed flowers.

"Are you ok? I heard some voices in this room…" Julie talked with Veronica, like she can't see me. "And who is this? I said you can spend nights here when you can't go home or just need it, but it doesn't mean that it's hotel. Who's this?' when Julie finally saw me, she wasn't happy at all.

"Oh, this is my friend, Pavi. Last night, after show I had an argument with Eric, and when Pavi tried to help me, Eric broke his nose. I wanted to fix the things, so I gave him some ice, but passed out later… You know my health. Sorry, I guess we should go home…" veronica looked sad, but I understood that she's trying to make Julie sorry. What a smart lady.

"Really, how are you now? Can I help you, or something? How is your health now? I always said that Eric is asshole." Julie looked worried. "Thanks, Pavi. You helped my friend. I'm Julie." she shook my hand. "Wait a second… Pavi? Pavi Largo? You're Largo, right?" Julie acted like crazy.

"Um… Yes, my-a name is Pavi Largo…" I smiled.

"Vera, did you know that younger son of Rottisimo Largo helped you? Wow! Nice to meet you, mister Largo. I'm Julie Green."

I looked at Veronica, she giggled for some time. Then she started laughing loud. I joined her.

"What?" Julie laughed too. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing… Nothing…" Veronica said and laughed even louder.

"Ok… Are you hungry? I can give you something more than cupcakes and fruits. Let's go to the bar!" Julie changed when she saw me. "Pavi Largo in my place… Wow…" I heard her muttering when she was leaving.

"Sorry, normally she's different. Gosh, she looks so funny when she acts like she doesn't recognize celebrities." my _bella_ giggled a bit.

"I'm not-a celebrity… I'm just famous." I hate when someone calls me celebrity.

We walked in the bar. It was almost empty, only couple alcoholics sit there and drank dark beer. They looked at us, but didn't pay any attention.

"Here, eat some pancakes with jam. I'll bring some toasts later." Julie tried to be nice.

"Hey, Julie, I want some toasted bread and pancakes too, you know… At last I'm your favorite client, am I? Will you suck my sausage?" one of those alcoholics asked. It wasn't good idea, because Julie got knife. I was Luigi's little brother… I know how dangerous someone can be if he has a knife.

"Shut your fucking mouth, shorty." Julie thrown the knife that she had in her hand. He knife stuck in the wall, couple millimeters from that man's head. He looked at Julie, then at knife, then again at Julie and nodded.

"I have to go." he said and left.

"Hey, you said you will pay for beer!" another man shouted, but shorty was already gone. "Shit!"

"Honey, only I can curse in this bar. Pay now or be gone." Julie wasn't in good mood and the drunken man knew that. He just said something like 'have a nice day' and ran away too. It was the first time when I see that real live. When Julie went to the kitchen, I laughed a bit, but when Veronica shook her head I stopped.

"Julie is in bad mood. It is better not annoy her today." my _bella_ pointed at knife who was still in the wall.

"Thanks for delicious breakfast, Julie, but I have to go. My mother and Louisa are waiting." Veronica said.

"Oh come on… I've thrown those asses from my bar, because I thought that you will stay here longer..." Julie

sounded sadly.

"Sorry, Julie. I promised that I'll go for a walk with them later today." Veronica was unstoppable.

"I have to go too. Amber is-a probably worried." I lied. My sister never cares about me or Luigi. It was one of those family rules.

"Oh come on…" Julie repeated herself again when I and Veronica went out.

"I wish I could-a see you soon." I said to her.

"You can. I'll stay here for a month, you know it." she wasn't sad when she said it.

"I love you-a." I whispered.

But she was already gone.


	3. I Want to Trust

Chapter 3

I want to trust.

Veronica R. Jackson

I ran away. I ran away from Pavi Largo, the man who told me all his secrets about teddy bears, unicorns and how boring his life is now. Why did I run away? Because he said that he loves me. Please don't get me wrong, I love him too, but long time ago I had bad experience with men. Since then… Since then everything changed. I know that I'm more than just a friend for Pavi, but all that I wanted is to have a friend, just a friend that could talk with me when I'm lonely and I could share all my secrets and problems with him. I had a lot of lovers, but I need a friend now. Pavi wanted to be my boyfriend, I knew it. A small part inside me wanted to be his girlfriend, but everything else said that I should stay away from him. Different rumors about him are spreading… People say that he's rapist, womanizer, and you shouldn't be with him… But I couldn't. Mommy told me a story about girl called Bella. That girl was in love with a vampire called Edward. People said she should stay away from him too, but they married… And she died. I've never seen a vampire, but I would like to. I've understood that I don't have anything to loose- I will be dead after a month, and the fact that I'm with Pavi won't change anything. I felt sorry that I left him. I had to find him. At last he was the man who helped me when I felt the lack of oxygen and passed out in that changing room.

But not now, later. Now I have to see my… family. No matter how bad my life was my family always loved me. My mother and Louisa was my family, everything that left for me. Louisa is my daughter. That's the reason why I still live with my mother. She's eight years old now. She knows that her mom soon will have to leave and that she won't come back. It changed her. I can see other kids from her school, and all of them are different… They have both parents, they like playing with toys and do different childish things. My daughter is different. I think she's too serious for her age. Louisa looks just like me. She has same black hair, same skin, same eyes… My copy…

Now I'm standing near our house. As I can see, my mom is still sleeping. I can't blame her I said I'll come about 10, but now it's only half past 9. I sat down on the stairs and just waited. I was sitting about 15 minutes when I remembered that mom always hides spare key under the rug. I say that it's stupid and old, but now I should take it back, because if not the keys, I will have to wait longer. I unlocked the door and entered the room. My mother was drinking coffee with her favorite cherry cupcakes in the kitchen.

"Who's there?" my mommy asked. "I have a shotgun, so if you're looking for troubles, you come to right place." my mother is brave woman.

"It's me, Veronica, mum. I'm back." I answered. "And since when you have a shotgun?"

"Oh, it's you, darling! Welcome! You know, I don't have any gun… I'm just saying that. Are you hungry? I have cupcakes." mommy was happy to finally see me.

"No, thank you, I'm full. We had breakfast at Julie's bar. How is Lu?"

"She's fine, she just went to school. Yesterday one of her teachers called. He said that she got into fight again. She broke one of her classmates arm, because he said that she's orphan." My mother looked sad.

"Oh dear… I guess I should talk to her. "

What kind of mother I am? My daughter is bulled at school, and I'm the last one who found out about it? Why Louisa couldn't tell me about her problems? Because her mother can't fix her own life, that's why. Gosh, why am I such a loser?

I drank some coffee with mom and then we went to the park. In this polluted town parks are even darker and dirtier than streets. We walked and talked about different things, Louisa's future and what they will do when I'll be gone. After couple hours mom said that she has to go home, and I decided to run to the place where I've seen Pavi Largo before, near Julie's bar, where we lost each other, but he was gone. I knew that he won't wait me there… I was the one who betrayed him. I've lost him forever…

I went to another part of town, just because I couldn't stand being there alone… I had to find someone. I entered big, fancy restaurant and ordered some cappuccino. I still wasn't hungry, so I sat there and drank that coffee, because I needed this. I did.

Louisa R. Jackson

Hello, my name is Louisa, but I guess you can call me Lu, Louie, or anyway you like. I'm eight years old, and I live with my mom and grandmother. My mom is dying, so I think I'll have to live with my grandmother later. My mommy says that death is the final stage of life. I'm not sure what it means, but I think it's true. Everything that my mom says is true. I'm sitting in the school bus now. I don't have any friends at school. I hate school, because no one understands me there. All those kids have great lives, parents, no problems or cares. Their parents won't die after some time, no… I've never asked my mom or grandma about my father… I don't care about him. I don't care that my grandma says that he died, then that he left us when I was baby, and that he died again… The stories about him always changes, but I don't care about him. I just hate him.

Kids in my school hate me too. They think that I'm weird because I don't play those stupid and boring games, like tag, hide & seek, because I hate dolls, and other toys. The kids in my school are mocking me, because soon I will be real orphan, because I'm just different. Jack said that my mother is bitch. I couldn't say or do anything. I just attacked him. Our teacher said that I've broke Jack's arm, and I'm not sorry about it. I'm just not sorry…

Paviche Largo

She left me. She was the first girl ever that ran away from me alive. I had to go home. Inside the Largo mansion I heard that Luigi watches his personal TV in his bedroom. I wanted to talk with someone, but Carmella was too busy with all that company stuff and Luigi won't talk with me about my problems and my life. He's the tough one. I had to do something… And fast. I had to find someone who could see me like personality. The only man who could do this was Veronica. Even if she hates me, I had to find her. She was the only person in this freaky world that saw me like friend, not like Largo… But there are some problems. The first one- I don't know where she lives. The second one- she probably hates me. I said or did something that made her feel bad. No, I can't look for her now.

I'm walking around our house. I hate those spooky pictures on the walls. Pictures with our dead relatives… Giuseppe Largo, my grandfather, for example. He created this company when he moved from Italy with my father who was kid then. I can't imagine how they lived, grandfather died when daddy was 30. When daddy was 30, he had this great company, my brother, and his wife, Luigi's mother. I'm 33 and I have nothing. Luigi is 37, and he has nothing too, but I think he doesn't care about things like this. For now, Carmella is the only one, who succeeded. She has company, family and soon she will have a baby. Daddy would be proud of her, I'm sure.

I'm going crazy… I don't know what might happen if I won't talk with someone… Who could it be? GENterns? No, they are plain whores. Carmella? As I said, she's busy. Luigi? He's still angry because of his knife. Any other workers? No, they are afraid of me. I have to find my _bella_…

I am in the town again now. I'm walking in those dirty streets. My legs hurts, I can't walk any more. I have to take a bus. I'm waiting in bus stop, near community school. The bus stop is dirty, graffiti are sprayed on its walls, and one of windows is broken. After some time girl comes in bus stop and sits on bench. The girl looked like Veronica, but she couldn't be her relative. They were too different. The girl has same black hair, same skin, same eyes, but her look is different. Veronica's look is so nice, good… And the girls… The girl has evil look. She's wearing black thighs, knee-length black dress with small shiny stars, and black boots. She looked at me and asked

"Are you having bad day too?" her voice sounded like too mature for little girl.

"Have your mom-a ever said that it's bad-a to talk with strangers?" I asked.

"My mom says different things." she sounded so carefree. "I'm Louisa."

"Pavi." I said.

"Largo?" she seemed to be surprised.

"Largo." I didn't mean to be mean, but that girl was a bit annoying.

"I'm Louisa Jackson." she answered.

We were sitting there about for hour, but the bus didn't come. I was bored, but that girl, Louisa seemed to be still happy, in spite of the fact that she wasn't. I've lost my patience.

"When will bus-a come?" I asked that girl.

"Never. This bus stop doesn't work. Nice mask." Louisa took out package of chips. "Want some?"

"No-a, thanks. You shouldn't eat junk like this. It's bad for such a charming-a little girl like you." I tried to be nice. "And what do you mean it doesn't work? What are you doing here then? I though you're waiting for a bus…"

"You shouldn't speak with strangers. I know you- you're on TV and those spooky posters everywhere around town, but the only thing that you know about me is my name." the girl smiled. "My mom always says that it's bad to let people be sad when you can cheer them up. I saw that you're sad, so I thought that I can help you. What happened?" she reminded me my sister, when she was kid. She could be very nice when she wanted, just like this girl, but sometimes Carmella could be real monster…

"Nothing, it's just that my friend-a left me… I said that I love her, and then-a she was gone. I think she ran away…" I couldn't lie for her. She is right- I have no idea who is she.

"Maybe she's abducted by aliens? Ok, I'm kidding… Everyone knows that aliens doesn't live in this part of town…" that girl was brave. "Maybe she just had to go somewhere, and couldn't say goodbye? Or maybe she was scared because you said that you love her? Maybe she just wanted to be your friend, not girlfriend?" wow, that kid is really smart… If had kids one day, I would like that they were so cunning like that girl.

"I guess-a you're right…" I said.

"I know that I'm. My mom had boyfriend couple years ago. He was bad man. He used to hit me and my mom." her voice changed. "I can be your friend, if you want."

"I would love to." I was surprised how honest that girl was. Couple minutes ago she was annoying little monster, and now she's my friend. "But why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I think we are a bit similar. Your dad is dead, and my mom says that mine dad is dead too. My grandmother says that he hated my mom, our family and left us. In Genetic opera your dad said that he hate his family too, so… I just want to trust someone." poor little baby…

"Oh…. Sorry then. Do you have any friends-a in school or something?" I tried to be nice again.

"No, I don't. Kids from my school say that I'm weird." she wasn't sad. "What time is it?" she asked.

"Umm, it's half past-a three…" I said.

"Oh crap… I had to be at home more than hour ago…" she looked scared. "I have to go now. It was nice to meet you. Goodbye!" she smiled.

"Bye, I hope to see you-a some day." I waved for her, when she ran home. What a strange little girl. I was looking for someone I could talk to, and found a friend.

I went back home… Veronica will have to wait for me.

Veronica R. Jackson

The cappuccino was delicious, but I had to go home now. Louisa should be at home soon, and I really had to talk with her about her school problems. I wanted to know what happened there with her classmate. I went back home and we talked a bit… I knew that her live is difficult now, but I couldn't imagine that she has problems like these… I had to do one thing. I went to my bedroom and started drawing. I drew many portraits of Pavi Largo… The man that is so important for me now…


	4. Best Friends

Chapter 4

Best Friends

Veronica R. Jackson

I've met Pavi Largo today. I couldn't believe that it's him, my love… We went to restaurant together, because I wanted to say couple things for him. I had to talk about our feelings and I couldn't find better chance than the one that I got today.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you again." I smiled when we were sitting in the restaurant.

"Oh,_ bella_, it's nice to see you-a too." he lied. I could see he still was a bit angry.

"Sorry that I left you in street this morning… I had to do some things. I'm really sorry." I lied too. I had nothing to do, just wait about an hour for my mother.

"Everything is fine,_ bella_, it is… I just can't believe how-a lucky I'm to see you again. How are you-a doing now? How is your health?" he asked me. "You're special for me."

"Thank you, but I'm sure that you say it for every lady that you see, am I right?" I asked, but I already knew the answer. It was too easy to guess, really. Everyone knows how amoral he is. But I still want to be with him.

"No, _bella_, I don't. You are special-a for me. You are." strange, but it was true. As I said, I can feel when someone is lying.

"Oh really? Ok then. I want to ask you two, but no, three things. Can I?" I asked, because I wanted to ask about it on first day we met, but wasn't sure that it's good idea.

"Ok, _bella_, ask me whatever you-a want to. I'm listening." I heard small doubt in his voice, but I guess it is ok. I am the one who betrayed him then.

"I don't want to sound very selfish, but could you please stop calling me _bella_? My name is Veronica and I would be really happy, if you could call me like that, or at last Vera. Next thing, please, take off your mask. Sorry, but I can't look at dead girls' face when I can die after couple weeks. Sorry, it's just too difficult for me. I won't mind if you will wear it in public, because I understand you. The last thing is very personal. I'm not sure if I can ask you such a thing… Ok… I want to be your friend, so… so if you're looking for girlfriend of lover, I'm not that kind of person. I'm sorry…" I wasn't sure what more should I say….

"Ok, _bella_… I mean Veronica… I can-a call you Vera or Veronica, that's ok… But why do you want-a to stare at my face? You always say that your-a life wasn't good, so why do you need to make it any worse? And if I love you, it doesn't mean-a that I want to fuck you." he tried make it up.

"Because I love you like a friend. I had many lovers in my live, and only one friend who is already dead. I need a friend more than lover or sex. Your face is beautiful for me. I think you're good-looking and I hate that fact that you have to hide behind that mask. I think that your own life wasn't better than mine. That is why I need friend. I want to share my secrets with someone. I think l can trust you, so I want to see you like my friend. You had many lovers too; stories and rumors are spreading around this town very fast. I have no idea how many of those stories are real, but I'm sure that you never had many friends too, please forgive me if I'm wrong." There, I finally said those things that I always wanted to say. I saw small teardrop, rolling down from his fake face. "Pavi, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…" I felt bad.

"No, no… Everything-a is fine. It's just that… Can we go outside?" he seemed to be worried; he started shaking when we went out from the bar, so I hugged him.

"Vera… Veronica… I have to tell you-a something. I have to tell you why-a I am hiding. Ok… Long time ago I did a bad thing. I was young when I-a did it, but there shouldn't be any excuses… I raped a girl-a… She was young, about 19 years old, maybe even younger. I was-a 25 then. After all-a this I killed her… I haven't been-a in her funeral, and never visited her grave. I don't know-a where she is buried. ..Since then I have nightmares. My-a past is looking for me, so I'm trying to hide… I think it's the best thing I can do. I've been to-a many psychologists, but no one helped me… You're the first alive person-a that knows it. I haven't told it even to my family-a members. No matter what people are saying it's the first and the last thing I'm doing this. I'm hiding behind those faces, because it's the only thing I can do... You know, the only good thing about living in in family like mine is that everything that you do they can make fashion… Then all the crap about face changing started… " now he cried loudly. I wanted to cheer him up, but I couldn't. I just had no idea what should I say. At first I wanted to call him monster, freak… But it's wrong for me to judge him. I've never killed anyone, but I made enough shit, so I wasn't better than him. No, I wasn't, no matter what will you say.

"Yes, now I can see that your life was worse than mine. You won this dreadful competition…" I smiled. I think that made him feel a bit better. "You shouldn't think about your past now, life is just too short for things like this. Past is something that you should… Leave in the past." I smiled again. "My story isn't so dramatic, but it started when I was fifteen. My parents divorced and I started doing crazy things. I started using drugs… And when I stopped, after couple months I found out that I'm dying. It sucks to waste your life on drugs and when you find some powers in yourself to stop doing it, after some time you find out that you will dead after couple years." That wasn't my full story, but hey… I've tried.

He looked in my eyes, and kissed me on cheek. It was one of the best feelings in my live.

"You know, I think we both are losers, Pavi. We both done bad things in our past, and now we're trying to make everything look fine; we want to fix it… But we can't…" I said. "I'm so happy that I met you."

"Thank you, Veronica… Thank you for-a everything…" he just hugged me and held me inside… It felt so good…

Paviche Largo

I still can't believe it… I told someone about my past, about my problems…Now I have a friend... Two friends, if I could call that strange girl from bus stop my friend. Now Veronica knows about my past, but she still likes me… Luigi was wrong. I feel great… But why everyone that Largo men love has to die? My mom, Luigi's mom, Carmella's mom, Marni… The girl that Luigi liked is dead now too… Just like my Veronica…

I hate myself for everything that I've ever done for that girl. I really do. I remember it was late night; I was walking from bar, so drunk and wasted that I could barely move. But it's a bit funny how I could find energy to make that poor girl feel bad. I used her, so after it is no wonder that so terrible rumors are spreading about me. I was so scared after what I've done… She cried and screamed a lot, but later she just looked at me… it seemed that she could see through me… She was beautiful. It was dark outside, but I could still see that she had dark hair and green eyes. Just like my _bella_. She tried to say something, but I couldn't understand, I just whispered 'sorry'… I had to do something, so I looked around. There were piece of rope, so I decided to strangle her… She tried to fight, but I was too strong for her, after some time her face turned red, then purple… I was scared… Suddenly light turned in one in the houses who was in neighborhood. Woman slicked her head out of the window and shouted. She was about forty, but I wasn't sure.

'Hey, what are you doing here? What are you doing for that girl, you fucker? … Daughter… Is that you?' she said.

I dropped girl's lifeless body on ground and ran away… The woman ran away from home and cried… I think it was her daughter. I looked back and saw the pain in woman's face… I'm such a monster, I know… You don't have to say it. The woman sometimes comes to my worst nightmares and hounds me… She is the scariest ghost from my past…

My _bella_ saw that I'm somewhere else in my dreams, so she asked

"You're thinking about that girl again, are you?"

"Yes… I am…" that was everything that I could say.

"Believe me, it's better to forget about moments like this one…" she wanted to say more, but I interrupted her.

"It's easy-a for you to say… You don't know how it feels…" bad idea… She got angry, I thought she will start screaming and making drama, but she just sighed.

"I do." she said calmly. "Long time ago I was raped by some asshole. I don't remember who was he, in fact I don't remember most of things that happened then... I had to visit different psychologists after it, and they blocked my memory or something..." she was so strong... I probably would kill myself if something like this would happen to me.

"I'm... I'm sorry... I never meant to say that... I didn't knew..." I'm such a loser...

"That's ok... I'm ok... Look, I want you to have this." she took off small silver ring from her finger and gave it to me. "I will be gone soon, but I want you to remember me."

I took the ring from her. It was too small for me, so I put it in my pocket. It was beautiful.

"Thank you." I said. "It's so beautiful."

"You're welcome, Pavi... You're welcome..." she got cough fit, like she had that night. She started bleeding from her mouth, and fell unconscious.

"_Bella_... _Bella_ are you ok? Talk to me..." I was scared. My _bella_... The only one person that I trusted in this freaky world... The only person that understood me...

"I'm... Veronica..." she smiled.

I checked the pulse. There was none. I called ambulance, when I said who I am, they came here very was, but she was already gone. I remember how I felt when she left me in town. I knew that she will see her soon... Now it's different. Like the day when mommy died. I knew that she will never come back.

One of GENterns asked me do I want to keep her face. I wanted to kill that stupid bitch... How can someone be so insane... The only person that loved me is dead and she asks me do I want to make her one more empty doll, mask? I didn't wanted to get mask from her face, because she was part from my story... 'No' was the only thing I said. I just walked away from her dead body... I couldn't stand the things that happened. It was too soon for me. I wanted to have a friend for a longer time... My own friend...


	5. Before Goodbye

Chapter 5

Before Goodbye

(5 short one-shot stories about how all characters prepares for Veronica's death. Everything happens before events in 4 chapter.)

Elizabeth Jackson

I looked in dictionary for word that describes person who is losing or already lost his child. I haven't found it. I found many words that describe kids, who lost their parents; wife, who lost her husband; husband, who lost his wife… My daughter is dying because she has rare lugs cancer. I can lose her every day from now… Doctors say that she has about one month, but I think that's not true. Mothers know their kids… I wish that she had that month, but I know that she will die faster. I can see how difficult it is for her to breathe, sometimes even to walk or stand. Doctors said its ok… At least she has cancer, but it's not. What does it means to lose your own child, which you loved, taken care of, raised, taught…? She was my little baby… even when she grown up. When Ray, my husband left us, she was 15. Then all her drug problems started. I think she wanted to protest, to make us feel bad, but when Ray left… Let's say it was difficult since then. I don't mean to complain, but being single mother with daughter who comes home like once in a week is never easy. I always wanted to help my baby girl, my little Vera, but I couldn't until she decides to help herself and when she decided that she had enough… It was too late.

Many years ago we were nice and happy family. I worked as school teacher and Ray was a lawyer. We met in court. A year later we married. I was 29 and he was 30 then. After two years we got our first and only baby- Veronica. Our beautiful daughter was healthy until her lungs failed. We replaced it when she was 5, I'm sure she doesn't remember it. Her surgery wasn't successful- she got infection. Doctors said it's ok, that she will be fine… But she isn't fine… She has cancer…

Ray Harry Jackson

I've left my family when my daughter was 15. I just wanted to change something, so I broke-up with my wife and married again. After some time I realized how happy I was with my previous wife, how we loved each other. Please, don't get me wrong… I wanted to go back in my previous live and family, to see my Veronica succeed, but I couldn't leave Beth. She was ill, her heart was failing and we couldn't afford the operation. I wanted to spend her final days with her. She died after three months. I wanted to be back in my previous family with Elizabeth and Veronica… But it was too late. My little princess was addicted to drugs and Elizabeth said that I've already made enough problems, so I can't go back now. She didn't love me any more… So now I live alone in my second wife's house, in Washington. I haven't met Veronica or Elizabeth since eighteenth Vera's birthday, nine years ago. I heard that she has a daughter now… I'm grandfather! I wish to see that girl someday. I've failed my own daughter… I don't want to fail my granddaughter too. Now I'm just sad old man who wants to see his daughter before she's still alive. That's it. I hope she could forgive me.

Paviche Largo

How bad it is to pray for better dreams? I tried to fall asleep without any drugs today. I couldn't do this. How can it be that such a kind-hearted young woman like Veronica has to die? She means a lot for me. I love her, but this love is different, it's somehow better than the love that I feel to those GENterns and any other women. She is special for me. I know, I often say things like these, but this time it's real. She is my princess, my angel, my world. She is everything that I need. Why all good people have to die? I know everyone dies… Nothing stays forever… I wish that I could meet her in heaven when I'll be dead too… It's stupid… Everyone knows that I'll go to hell… I'm not Christian. I've made lots of stupid and crazy things in my past, but I didn't deserve punishment like this… I've never known that losing someone that you love is so hard… At last it wasn't when I've lost my father… Does it mean that I've never loved him for real? I don't know. I don't know what love is… But you know me. You've read all those stories about me in newspapers, magazines, you watch all TV shows with me, if you are woman, you're following every single new about me. I'm sure that you know more about me than I do… I'm sure that you're more interested about that Pavi who's on TV, posters, newspapers, magazines than the real me. It's bad to live in family like mine, because that means that you will have to be famous, that you will have no really personal life, you may be alone with no friends… I was alone until I met Veronica, but now it seems that I'm alone again…

Louisa R. Jackson

What have you ever learned from your parents, or in my case- mother? I learned about life, death, world, and all the things those eight years old girl should have no idea about… Mom says that you shouldn't be afraid of death. She is like a queen; you will have to go when she says that she needs you. I don't know why does she needs my mom, but I will ask her about it when I'll meet her. My mom says that world is not just black or white… It's gray. Life is too difficult to understand. It's just something that you shouldn't care about... I don't know many things about my family and its past, I don't know who's my father and where he is, I don't know where's my mom's father… I know that I have a grandfather. My grandmother said that I have… but he lives far away. I want to see him one day… My grandma said that they broke-up when mom was young, and when he wanted to come back, she did something very stupid, and he moved out. I'm not sure if he knows that I exist.

And what's about my mommy? Does she miss her dad? Does she know where he is? We never talk about them. I feel bad about it. Sometimes I want to have normal family. I want to be like those kids from my school, who has real dad and healthy mom. Sometimes I want to have brother or sister… When I was little girl, I had a dream while sleeping. In the dream was lying in my bed when someone rang at the door. It was my daddy with my little sister. He said that they were walking in park when they forgot where we live. Now they found way home. Dad gave magical medicine to my mom and she was cured… He even brought grandpa home. Now we were happy. I woke up in same place, in same family with dead (or gone) dad, ill mum and sad grandma. I guess my stupid classmates are right. I'm orphan… but hey, at last I have a friend. I don't know why I talked with that man in bus stop… Pavi Largo… When I walked home that evening, I took one Change Your Face poster… The man in picture seemed so happy, so confident… But the man that I saw in bus stop was different. He was as sad as my grandmother when she thinks about grandpa. I think he loves his friend and she means a lot for him…

Veronica R. Jackson

I'm dying. I knew that I am for a long time, but now I want to raise my little angel Louisa, I want to be with Pavi that I've betrayed. When I was younger, my motto was 'live fast, die young' but now when I'm going to die young; I can understand how stupid it was. No matter how stupid my life was, I wanted to continue it. So many things left undone… I feel bad about my family, especially about my father… I can't remember last time when I've seen him. He left my family when I was 15, and then my story started… I'm sure you know a lot about me, my past and my future… No matter what I do, people like me… You could say that I've always had many friends… Julie, Louisa, Marie, Eric, Pavi... and many more people from Julie's bar who likes my music. That's not true… Julie is not my friend. I used to sing in her bar in the past, when it belonged to her father, I know a lot of things about her, like things that she likes, hates, and her personality, how old is she, her name, address… But we have never been honest… She doesn't know anything about me… Louisa was my real friend before Pavi… She was so nice… But now she's dead. She was shot by some idiot. Marie was my friend when we were kids, but now she lives in Paris… Good for her. Eric… He was my boyfriend… I want to forget this part of my past… But I just can't. It's too important. Pavi… The only man that I loved… I'm sorry that I have to leave him.

I wonder who will come to my funeral… How many persons there will be what music will play, what will they think about me when I'll be gone…? I'm not afraid to die, because everyone will die one day. I'm just afraid to leave people that I love. I don't want to leave my mother, father, Louisa and Pavi… These four people are too important for me…

I'll try to get some sleep now… I won't take my medicine… Why should I? I might be dead every day since now, so why should I care? I'm in the bed… Everything is spinning and I'm sleeping… I can see myself, standing in street, near our house. Suddenly one freak comes out from corner and attacks me. He rips off my clothes from me… he rapes me. I can't see his face, because he wore clown mask… When he finished, he left me on ground and ran away. I saw it from the side, so while one part of me was lying on the cold ground, another part of me followed the rapist… He got into his car and went somewhere…

Everything that I tried to forget now is back to haunt me… The dark shadows from my past finally found me. They want to revenge. I knew that there is one thing to do before I'm gone. I had to leave a note for my Pavi… I got up from my bed, took a pen, a piece of paper and started writing. I had to tell everything about me and things that I done to Pavi. He was honest with me all the time, but I was so worried that he will be upset when I will tell him the truth that I decided to keep my mouth shut. I'm always messing the things up.

When the note was finished, I called my daughter, Louisa. It was about 4 o'clock in the morning, but I couldn't wait. I was so happy when I saw my sleepy princess.

"What is it, mum?" she asked. "I'll have to go to school tomorrow…"

"I'm sorry, sweetie… Do you know man, called Paviche Largo?" I knew that she heard about him.

"Pavi? Yes, I do… He's my friend. What happened?" friend? Sounds interesting.

"Friend? Oh, ok… Please, give him this note when I'll be gone. And make sure that no one's looking when you will do this, ok?" I wanted to ask her about the Pavi, but I was sure that she will lie. It seems that lying is normal thing in this family…

"Ok, mom, I will do this… Can I go back to bed?" she was so cute and sleepy… I love my little angel.

"Yes, darling, you can. Thank you…" that's it. Now I'm calm.


	6. Goodbye

Chapter 6

Goodbye

Paviche Largo

My _bella_ is gone. She won't come back. I'm in her funeral now. I'm not wearing my mask. I don't care what people think about me. Veronica was right- I was hiding behind those masks for too long. I should stop now. We're standing in graveyard now… There aren't a lot of people… I recognized Julie from bar, Eric, who tried to kill me that day when I met Veronica, older woman, maybe her mother. The woman had big suitcase. I wonder why she took it in funeral… There was a girl too… I can't believe… It's that little monster from bus stop. So she really was related to my _bella…_ There were another girl, she was in her late twenties, her blonde hair looked cute, but she only spoken French, and I don't understand this language, so I had no idea what she said. She cried a lot. After some time another man come. He was about sixty years old; he looked at gravestone, then at the older woman, and smiled. It seemed that the woman cannot believe her eyes… She smiled and started crying…

'I'm sorry' I heard her saying. At that moment the little monster walked near me.

"Not-a you again…" I sighed.

"It wasn't very polite, you know…" she wasn't so happy now. She was different girl.

"Ok, I'm-a sorry…." I said. "Is she your relative?" I pointed at Veronica's gravestone.

"Yes, in fact she is…" I think it took ages for that girl to respond. "She was my mother."

Oh God… What did I just done… I looked around. Julie was looking at us, but she said nothing. Eric was gone, but the blonde lady was talking on the phone. The old couple was together…

"Wait a second." that girl, Louisa said. She walked to that blonde woman, and said something in French. The woman looked at her and nodded after some time and put the phone in her bag and took out a candy and gave it to the girl. Now Louisa was eating a candy and came back near me.

"What did-a you said? I asked. "And who is she?"

"I don't know, but she probably was mom's friend if she is here. I said that my mom wouldn't be very happy, if she knew that someone is using a phone during her funeral. She said that I'm right and gave me this". She shown me her huge candy, and then smashed it into pieces. "Want some?" she offered me some of her candy.

"Thanks, it's better-a than chips." I took two big pieces. "It's tasty. So… You-a can speak French?"

"It's one of my favorites. My mom used to buy me some when we were in France. Yes, I can speak in many languages… English, Russian, French, Spanish, Italian, Chinese, Arabian… " I couldn't bear her sad voice. It was too difficult for me to hear such a wonderful little girl sad.

"I'm sorry about your-a mom. She was my friend-a and very kind person. I loved her." I wasn't sure what to say.

"Oh, so she was your special friend then?" the girl seemed happy again. "That means I was right, she really was special." I had no idea what she was talking about… Nice mask!"

"That's my-a real face…" damn, she was annoying… "What was special? Who was right? What are you-a talking about?" I asked.

"I know. Mommy used to say that it's better to wear real masks than fake." she said and gave me one of those Change Your Face posters…

Elizabeth Jackson

I've lost her. My daughter Veronica is dead. I will always remember the way she looked, talked, walked… My only daughter is dead. I knew it will happen soon, but I expected it later, not just after couple days. I was surprised because there were only a few people who wanted to say goodbye for her. There were our family, Julie from bar, Marie, her friend, that asshole Eric who destroyed her life and Pavi Largo. I don't know what he was doing there… Oh, I forgot to check my daughter's face, to look if it's still on her skull. Yesterday I watched TV show with him, he was talking about face replacement surgeries. Veronica usually hates human beings like Largo, but I think I know… I mean knew… my daughter well enough, so if he's here, that means that he's one of small number of her friends.

A man walked to me, he was about sixty, and I didn't recognize him at first, but I never forgot his eyes… It was Ray. He said 'hello'. I couldn't believe it… My Ray was there, with me… 'I'm sorry' I said and hugged him. "What are you going here" I asked.

"Marie brought me here. She was in Washington and met me there." He was the same man as he was before all those years.

"How's your life? How are you doing?" I still loved him. I guess it's ok to do such a mistake in our stupid family.

"It's fine. I'm… I'm still living in her house." he said. "I'm sorry that I left you then…"

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry. You wanted to back, but I said that I don't need you… Can you come back?" I was so stupid then, so now I have to fix everything before it's too late.

"Can I? I will do anything if I could live with you again. Please, forgive me." He looked terrible.

"Yes, of course. As I said before, I'm the one who missed the chance to get you back." I needed him. "I'm sorry…" I said and hugged him.

Is it true? My daughter is gone, but now I have my husband? I wish that I had both, that we could be together, even only just for a day. I wanted my daughter to be happy, she always was a good girl, and she deserved the best things that exist. But she wasn't lucky, that was her only problem. She was unlucky enough to be born in my family and be my little girl. And then we divorced with her father… You know what happened next… It's not whole story… More things happened, but I might tell you later about it. Just not now.

Louisa R. Jackson

Great! Now all my stupid classmates are right. I'm orphan. Gosh, I've never felt so sad before… I'm sure that most of you have no ideas what it means to lost your mother when you're eight. I'm usually acting like older, but I'm not… You see, I'm not that little cute girl, and I'm not trying to deny it… But I need love, attention, God, I'm only eight years old, but my teachers describes like 'sad and grumpy'… It is true- I can't stand those ugly Barbie dolls that look like skeletons, those little-cuddly stuffed animals, boring table games… All I need is real friend. Pavi Largo is NOT my real friend… I can see it because of way he's acting… He always seems annoyed and so bothered when he sees me. All that I've done is tried to be nice that day in bus stop. I needed friend, and I was sure that Pavi could be one of my friends, but when I walked to him, he said 'not you again…' It was pretty rude, especially in mom's funeral. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I've never seen my mommy crying, she wanted to be strong, to make the world think that she's fine… She wasn't. What did she found in Pavi? What did I found in him? And what does that letter mean? I have do give it to Pavi today, but when? I couldn't do it in funeral, because one woman was looking at me when I was talking to youngest Largo, and mom said that it's better to keep the letter in secret. If mom wanted to do this, then I think it should be important.

Paviche Largo

Finally, the funeral is over. It was nice, but too it was impossible to be there and look in all those people while they are looking at me and my face. It was bad idea to come here without my mask. My personal driver was waiting in limousine, but wanted to take a walk, so I said that he can go. I had to think about what I should do now, when my angel is gone.

"Excuse me, are you Paviche Largo?" I heard voice behind my back. It was older woman.

"Sorry, no autographs today-a…" I wanted to run away, but I think that only thing that I'm all the time is running.

"I'm here not because I want your autograph, darling… It could wait. Veronica would love if you had these." She gave me the suitcase. I opened it and I was surprised. There were about 20 different portraits of me. All of them were made by my Veronica, my _bella_.

"Veronica made this-a…?" it was difficult for me to say something.

"Yes, she was my daughter and before she was gone, she asked me two things to do. One of them was to give these pictures. She made it couple days ago. Another thing that I have to do is tell her real life story. I hope you have a lot of time…" her voice was shaking.

"Umm… Thank you-a, but I already know everything-a about her life…"

"I don't think so, darling… let's go somewhere where we could talk." the woman was unpersuadable.

"You can go to my bar. It would be empty until tomorrow, and I will give you the keys." it was Julie. She gave the keys to Veronica's mother.

"Ok, Julie, thank you." she took the keys. "Let's meet there after an hour; I have to take Louisa home."

"No problem, I can do with my grandpa." little monster was here again.

"Grandpa…?" Vera's mother asked.

"Yes, I can take her home, if you haven't changed the address." said old man.

"Ok, I haven't. The keys are under the rug…" it was Mrs. Jackson again. "We could go now, if that's ok for you…

"Yes, let's go." I wanted to know everything about my _bella_.

Now it was lighter in the bar, and weird smells were gone too. It was quiet now, and I didn't like it.

"My name is Elizabeth Jackson, but you can call me Elisabeth or Elisa." Mrs. Jackson smiled. "Now please tell me what you know about Veronica. This will be a long talk, so I don't want to waste your time."

"Well-a, she said that her-a parents divorced when she was 15, then she had problems with-a drugs, got raped…" when I said all this, Elisa looked in my eyes and I saw that the things that I'm saying impress her.

"I can see that she told you almost anything… But that's not all… It seems that she trusted you, so I can tell you everything." Elizabeth sighed.

"Yes, please tell me…" I was so excited.

"Ok, everything started when she was five. Her lungs started to fail, so we had to replace them. We've borrowed lots of money from our relatives, friends, and co-workers, neighborhoods, to afford the surgery. It wasn't very successful, because some kind of infection got in her body. Doctors said it's ok, she's young and her organism will make everything good, but it didn't happen. Ten years later her father left our family, met another woman and got married, so I had to raise Veronica alone. Everything was fine in the beginning, but after some time I noticed that something about her had changed. She stopped coming home in the evenings; sometimes she was gone somewhere for couple weeks and I had no idea where she was. Then I accidently found some cheap drugs in her bedroom. It wasn't zydrate, so I didn't care a lot about it. I thought that she just has some problems after dad's leaving. I asked her about it, but she said that it's just a sleeping pills. One day she stole all my golden jewelries and sold it to buy some drugs. Then I found out that she has a lot of problems…" Elizabeth stopped speaking, drank some coffee and smiled.

"What happened-a next? Her story is interesting…" I said.

"I talked with her about it, and decided that I have to help her, no matter if she wants it or not. I wanted to put her in one of those hospitals where they help for kids like my Vera. But next day she ran away from our house. I don't know where she was about for two years, only later I found out that she worked as stripper and prostitute. All money that she earned she spent on drugs. Then she met a girl called Louisa, she helped her to stand up, gave her some money, almost cured her. Two more years later Veronica called me, she said that she is sorry, and that she wants to go back. I said that it's ok, that she will always be my little girl and that I'll be waiting, she promised to come home tomorrow. Next day, late in the evening I heard some girl screaming outside the house… Some asshole was raping my own daughter in front of my eyes. He tried to strangle her with a piece of rope. When he saw me, he dropped her body and ran away.

'No… This can't be true… Does it mean that I raped my _bella_…? No…"

"That man… how did-a he look like?" why did I had to ask this stupid question?

"I don't know, darling… it was dark outside and he was wearing clown mask. Why are you asking?" Elizabeth could see through me, just like Veronica.

'It was me… I hurt perfect creation…'

"I'm just-a interested…"

"Ok, then… So I ran outside, and my baby was still breathing. Her lungs were special since Veronica had troubles with breathing. Even after strangling she could breathe. She lived with me until recovered. After couple months she got two new- one of them was bad and another wasn't very good. The bad news was that her friend, Louisa was found dead. The not-so-good news was that Veronica is pregnant. Nine months later a girl was born; she decided to call her Louisa. I don't know who her father is- that rapist or any other man from her past… Three years later she started singing, but she still had drug problems. Then she met Eric. They loved each other, he was her producer. She was ready to change for him, eventually she stopped using drugs, but he never loved her for real… Only thing that he wanted was her money. He tried to kill her, he beaten Veronica and her daughter, Vera tried to ran away from him, she went abroad with Louisa, the y traveled a lot, and now Louisa can speak many foreign languages. I think you heard her speaking with Marie in funeral… Two years ago we found out that infection that she got when she got lungs replacement was in her body all the time. Now it turned into cancer. She went back home to Eric and said about disease; she thought that now he will love her. But she was wrong. Then she ran away again, and went back a month ago, I think you know what happened then." Elizabeth's coffee was cold now.

"Wow… And I-a always said that my life is hard…" I was so sad… "Sorry, I really have to-a go now…"

"Ok then… Hope to see you later." Veronica's mom was still sitting in the bar. "I have to wait for Julie."

I ran away… Again.


	7. Don't do This

Chapter 7

Don't Do This

I'm in our mansion now. I have to do one last thing today, and meet with Veronica's mother helped me to make my last decision. I'm going to meet my bella tonight. I can't stand the fact that I was the one who fault it was. I think that if I wouldn't do all the things to her, she still might be alive. And Louisa… I know how she hates her father, but what if I am her father? I hate myself, I feel like fuckin' emo now… It feels bad. What should I do now…? My life is over, but should I say something to my family, Louisa or Elizabeth? I'm going to my room and think about everything what happened.

I can hear my sister, Carmella crying in her bedroom. I don't know what happened, but I still love my little sister, I don't care that she's cheap bitch, because my bella was cheap bitch too… I knock on her door, but she doesn't answer. I knocked again, and she opened her bedroom door. She looked terrible… Her make-up looked scary because of tears, her eyes were red and face features were a bit sodden.

"What do you want?" her voice was shaking.

"Nothing, I just wanted to-a ask what happened, why you are-a crying…?" I cared about Mellie.

"It's none of your fucking business." she was rough.

"Come on… Tell me what-a bothers you." I think that I could help her. I wanted to.

"Get the fuck out of my room!" she screamed in tears.

I walked out of her bedroom and felt even worse than before. All the mirrors had shown the real face of Veronica's murderer. I knew that I have to do this… Suicide… This word always meant a lot for me… I don't know for sure, but I heard my mom talking to dad… He said that Luigi's mother committed suicide and he found her. Since then he's so angry. Poor brother… I wish I could help him too. But I can't; I couldn't help my bella, my Veronica too. I killed her. I opened my wardrobe, took out all those fancy clothes that my personal tailor ever made for me… The clothes that I liked couple days ago now were disgusting… So shiny, formal and casual in the same time… Now all the clothes lain on my bed and I hated them… They were big part of my previous life that I want to end now. I found one of my big black bells with big letter P on its clasp in my drawers. Clothes and accessories were my purpose for most of my life… Purpose of 'ThePavi'… The man who shouldn't be here now… I found big piece of rope in another drawer, that I used in my sickly games… I decided to hang myself. This was the first and most important decision in my whole damn life. One end of rope I tied in my wardrobe and another one I wrapped around my neck. It's so bad to understand that it's your final seconds. I just stood there, with rope when I heard someone's voice.

"You shouldn't do this." I couldn't believe it…

"Where are you-a and what are you doing here-a?" I took the rope out of my neck.

"I just decided to pay a little visit. It wasn't so difficult." Louisa creped out from my bed.

"But there should-a be guards outside in-a their posts… And still, how did you got here?" it was impossible for me to understand that little monster is inside my bedroom. And she can be my daughter. I can't believe it…

"As I said it wasn't hard… Your guards are having a bedtime. I just helped them…" she smiled like little devil.

"What-a have you done to them?" I walked to window and saw that all of them are sleeping on grass.

"Nothing. They seemed to be tired, so I helped them to fall asleep, then entered the rooms and asked your sister where your bedroom is. It seems that she is on drugs, so we came here. I thought that you're sad, but she…" Louisa was talking about my family…

"Carmella is using-a drugs? That's not true; she stopped using zydrate and everything like that two-a years ago…" I was sure about that. She's pregnant and drugs are bad for her baby too…

"Are you sure about that? My mum used drugs most of her life; I know how someone who's on drugs looks like, and I think your sister has lots of problems with that." Louisa was sure about what she says. "Anyway, I'm here not just to bother you… I have a mission. My mom asked me to give you this." Louisa gave me an envelope. I opened it and took off small piece of paper. On the paper there were written

'I remember now. I've met you many years ago; you said you remember it too. I was that girl and Louisa is your daughter, I'm sure about it. Take care of her, please. And I forgive you, because I loved you more than you could imagine. This is true. –Veronica'

I started sobbing like a little baby. Louisa looked at me, I was sure that she wasn't sure what to do now… She walked towards me and hugged me. I hugged her and we both bursted into tears, we cried about an hour. When it finished, I looked at her and started laughing… I'm sure she thought that I'm insane…

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Everything's fine, it's just that I've buried my-a love today and I-a think it's so crazy… Everything is just too crazy in this world." I just laughed.

"Well, this evening will get even crazier… Daddy." She said and I shut my mouth.

"What… What did-a you just said…?" I was startled.

"Yes, I know that you are my father. I'm sure you know it too."

"Well yes-a… I do, but where did-a you know about it-a from? Your grandmother-a said?" I wanted to run away, like I always and usually do.

"No, she didn't. You did. I saw it in the graveyard. In the bus stop you didn't really cared about me. Then, in the graveyard something changed. I thought that it's because my mom's death, or because that you was without your mask in public, but when I came here, Carmella, your sister told me about what happened to you long time ago… People say that I'm good at listening… She said that I look just like you, when you were kid." I had to sit down on my bed… Ok… Now don't have to think about what I should say to Louisa…

"Wow… I was right when-a I said that your family can-a see through personalities… "I wasn't sure what did I had to say. I have a daughter now. A real child… In fact she was kind a cute…

"Yes, I know. My mom said that she can see when someone's is lying. What would you do now? Try to run away, like always?" she pointed at my empty wardrobe and rope hanging there.

"I don't know. I wish I-a could run away, but I think that I'm running too much and I-a should stop now." I said. I think it's time to be honest with my kid. "What do you-a want me to do? Do you want to move in-a with me? I mean you-a, your grandparents... What do you think about it?"

"Thank you, it sounds very nice, but I don't think that it's very brilliant idea… It's stupid to think that no one in this town will notice one more family living with you, and what will you say to your brother, sister, and other workers? You will have to explain a lot. No, I think it's better to leave it like this, at least for now. And clean up your mess… Your room looks like garbage bin… I can help, if you want." God, love this little girl.

"I would-a love to…" I said.

"Ok, let's begin then. First of all untie that rope. It doesn't go with those curtains." I did like she said. "Now let's take a look at your clothes. Hmm… you have very personal style, as I can see… You like shiny clothes? Try on these." she gave me shiny pants and black shirt. They were too small and I ripped button from those shirts.

"When did you check your wardrobe last lime? I have an idea. Put all the clothes that you don't like here, we will donate it to poor later, ok?" she smiled again. I noticed that her smile is just like Veronica's.

"Great idea. Ok, so-a I have to put these pants and-a shirt there?" I asked.

"Yup and hurry up. You will have to try on all these clothes today, because I will have to go home soon, or my grandparents will worry."

"God, no… There are-a about two thousand outfits… Do I have to-a do it?" I felt bad.

"Hell yeah, and don't forget the accessories. Well, it's your problem that you have so many clothes, not mine." I saw her evil smile. Gosh, she still is monster… My little monster. "And what is this? I thought that I'm the only person who likes playing dress-up…?" she held a long, black, shiny dress.

"It's not mine… My mother-a used to wear it when she-a was alive." I started crying again. Luigi would kill me, if he would see me crying about three times a day…

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that… I'm not really interested in your family… But I guess I will have to now, it's my family too… What happened to your mother?" my daughter asked.

"In fact, I don't remember-a it… I was seven when it happened, and-a I wasn't as smart as you are. I think I was like your-a classmates more… I was-a rich a kid, I had-a lots of nannies, maids… But I never-a had real family. My older brother-a, Luigi hated me. We had to-a fight for dad's attention, and-a he always won. Then, after some time Carmella was-a born. I loved my little sister, she-a was so cute… but there was-a something evil inside her… She could-a be one of the nicest girls you've ever seen, but-a she was fake. We played a lot with her; we were best friends until-a she went to school. She was-a beautiful and got a lot of new friends, admirers and forgot about me-a. Luigi was popular too-a, he got his own gang, and I-a… I was loner. That's pretty much everything-a that you should know about-a my life. My mom was beautiful; she looked like-a you a bit. As I said, I don't know what-a happened to her, but I think she died in accident.

"And have you tried to ask your dad or Luigi what happened?" she was inquisitive.

"No, I haven't. I-a was afraid to do this…" she looked in my eyes.

"If I were you, I would try to speak with Carmella about her problems. She needs real friends even more than you do…" my daughter said.

"But she has-a husband, soon she will-a have a baby too…" I said, but I was interrupted by Louisa.

"That's what I'm talking about. I don't want your sister to finish like my mom. Talk to her, she seemed very sad when I saw her. I think I should go now, finish with your clothes; I might visit you one day soon. Bye!" my daughter said and climbed out the window. I saw how she reached the ground and ran away. She was right; I had to speak with Carmella.

When I was in the hall, I heard my little sister was moaning in her sleep. I knocked on her door, but she didn't answer. Then I opened her bedroom door. There was my sister lying in her bed. She was high because of zydrate. Louisa was right again- my sister is still addicted.

"Carmella? Carmella, are you- a ok? What-a happened?" I asked and shook her body a bit. She didn't answer, so I checked her pulse. Her heart was still beating, so I felt little bit better, at last she's alive.

I went to her bathroom, found a glass, filled it with cold water, went back to Carmella's room and poured some water on her face. After a second she woke up.

"The hell are you doing here? And why it's raining in my room? Where's Terrence?" she seemed sleepy.

"I don't know it's just-a that you were crying and-a I really wanted to help my little sister. You think it's wrong? I can leave if-a you want…" yes, I still loved daddy's little Mellie, my sister.

"Everything is ok… I don't know where Terrence is, so I'm worried. I think he's working with zydrate again; I found some in his jacket… I used it." My sister started sobbing. "I'm still addicted, Pavi…I can't give it up, how will my daughter feel to have mother who is drug addict? Why can't I stop…. Your daughter is cute…"

"My… daughter…? How did you know about her? And you shouldn't be worry about all the drugs… Just don't use them now, only a month left, I think. Then you will have your baby and you could leave it for her. Talk about it with Terrence, you could even ask you to stop dealing zydrate for some time, he will understand you, if he loves you…" I said.

"I'm on drugs, but I'm not blind. That girl is your copy and she has nice voice too. She could become great singer one day… I think you're right. I should speak with Terrence. Thank you, brother. Where is your mask?" she looked surprised.

"I don't want-a to wear it anymore, it's time-a for changes. I love you, Mellie." I kissed her on forehead.

"I love you too, little brother, I do."

We stayed like this whole night. I still can't believe how much my life changed in these couple days. I fell in love, lost her, got a daughter, changed myself outside and inside, fixed relationships with my sister, and later even brother… it seems that ghosts from my past left me; now they are my friends. Real friends.


End file.
